Tuesday, June 9

Top Ten Most Overrated Celebrities

So i'm trying something new....a few top 10 lists to spice up the place.

This first Top 10 is a list of the ten (current) celebrities that I feel don't deserve the ridiculous amounts of fame they have somehow acquired. Read on, and make a mental note that any strong insults were partially influenced by PMS. Enjoy, and try not to hate me!

10. Perez Hilton
So I used to read his blog, until I realized is was insanely boring. Who did he sleep with to get his fame? (Actually, if you give me a minute, I’m sure I could check the archives of his page and read a detailed report). Anyone can use Paint to draw drool and cum on pics of celebrities, Perez, and your insults are about as catty as a 3rd grade bully.

9. Dane Cook
Anyone who likes stand up comedy generally hates Dane Cook.Why? Because he is not funny. He is over-exaggerated and steals other comedians’ jokes. His only appeal is to teens and twenty-somethings who haven’t matured into real stand up yet. He’s like training wheels. Loud, obnoxious, sleazy training wheels.

8. Megan Fox
All I know about this girl comes from quotes published in my mom’s trashy magazines. I’ve carefully studied them and came to one conclusion: she has some serious daddy issues. She was overheard saying that she has the libido of a 15 year old boy, wants a full sleeve of tattoos, and has a total crush on a female actress who is pretty much her doppelganger. I’ve never seen such an obvious cry for attention, and guys are just lapping it up. Good for you, Megan. At least your making money off your mental issues. Maybe you should invest in a few sessions with a nice psychologist.

7. The Jonas Brothers
I need to start this one by explaining that I have never actually heard one of their songs. That is part of why I think they are overrated. I listen to the top 40 station on the radio, frequently check out itunes, and stream Pandora in search of new music. I have never once come across a Jonas tune. What that tells me is that they are simply a name. Their sole purpose is to make 13 year old girls faint. Not exactly the makings of serious musicians.

6. Anyone from Gossip Girls
A bunch of spoiled brats running around in expensive clothes, making a big deal about having sex and wearing feathered headbands. That pretty much sums up the entire female population of my high school. I don’t have the patience to go through that again.

Every magazine I read praises the glory that is Rihanna. Her voice, style, attitude. Yea, ok. Am I the only one who finds her voice insanely average and really awkward? I really don’t understand how people like Jennifer Hudson and Chris Daughtry get voted off American Idol, but Rihanna has multi-platinum singles. Sure, Umbrella is catchy, but its all so…done. Techno-inspired dance beats with a monotone female vocalist…haven’t we heard this before? In the 80’s? Come on, people. Where is the real, sing-your-heart-out, no-computer-enhancement-needed talent?

4. Miley Cyrus
I have hated the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus phenomenon since I first found out about it. Then, I heard her speak. Oh my God! How are people allowing their children to take guidance from a teenage girl who sounds like she smoked a pack of unfiltered Marlboro’s and chugged a bottle of Jack Daniels ALL THE TIME? Not to mention that her accent is totally hicked out. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my kids to idolize a 16 year old, never mind one that takes risque` photos and is dating a 20 year old model.

3. Lady Gaga-
She “sings” and dances in bodysuits and hair bows (as in bows made of hair), carries a tea cup everywhere, and wants to have a 4-some with the Jonas Brothers. TOTALLY the pinnacle of normal. She is praised for being unique and innovative, but i'm pretty sure she just shops at the Salvation Army, looking for crazy shit just to mess with our heads. People, where has your taste gone?!? These aren’t musicians, they are entertainers. I long for a day when a crazy like Ms. GaGa was only seen on the first few episodes of A.I., or even the 5 o'clock news.

2. The Entire Cast of The Hills/Laguna Beach…
One scripted reality show about spoiled brats spawned a bounty of wealthy losers that have infested our society. Who cares about the rivalries, fake weddings, spin-offs, etc? Do we have nothing better to do? Are fake tans, mini skirts, and Ugg boots that interesting? Come on, people!

1. Robert Pattison-
If this wasn’t simply a list of overrated people, you can bet your vampire-loving ass that Twilight, and all things associated with it, would be number one as well. Since it is limited to only identifiable celebrities who have inspired pandemonium, I’ll have to settle for the face of the outfit, Mr. Robert Pattison. Let me preface this by informing you that I am, in fact, a woman. I love some nice man-candy. He, however, is nothing of the sort. Pattison is not only creepy, but gross. You know when you can look at someone and just kinda tell that they smell really, really bad? Yea, that’s the vibe I get from this “super hunk.”And I believe I’m right, since I recently read a quote directly from Robert that he hasn’t shampooed his hair in months. I must have missed the “Body odor is sexy now” memo.

Sunday, March 22

(Platonic) Love lost?

Breaking up is hard to do. You are practically obligated to lock yourself in your bedroom for a week, eat junk food, watch depressing movies, and cry your little heart out (in recent years, the list has come to include stalking your ex on Facebook and going out to a bar to get trashed with your girlfriends). You are filled with so much pain, the pain of loss. You mourn what you once had, what you don't have now, and what you never will have with that person again. It can be all at once depressing, frightening, painful, and sometimes liberating. Most of us have experienced this agony at least once in our lives. It's the memory of this pain that keeps you on your toes in the next relationship. It's what reminds you to keep your eyes open to make the right choices, so that the next one won't leave you with your snuggie and a pint of Hagen Daas Cookies and Cream. Recent events have left me wondering: what happens if you don't breakup with a guy, but with your friends?

Lately, things have been a bit hectic. Early mornings at the office, late nights in class, and a bevy of emotional issues led me to prioritize in a new way. Free time was rare and I had promised chunks of it to a list of people. My closest friends were getting frustrated, but I simply couldn't give them what they wanted. After many long, painful nights, in which I judged myself for being a bad friend, I decided to evaluate what made their friendships so essential to me that I was allowing the issue to cause me such distress. After much thought, I couldn't really find much. I realized, through time, that I was clinging on to what the friendship once was, not what it had become. I tried to make it work, but it just didn't. Eventually I decided it would be best to step back and fade out slowly. I thought it was the perfect plan, since it would release me from "best friend" duties, but not make me an enemy. A word to the wise: perfect plans often backfire. Halfway through the fading process, I was caught. They noticed I wasn't around as much and wanted to know what was going on. I'm a horrible liar, so I told them the truth. I told them that I felt like we were at different stages in our lives and that we would be better off going our separate ways. I broke up with them. Apparently, that makes me a bitch. Interesting. After the "breakup," there was a long, long conversation, which was eerily reminiscent of a traditional breakup. We spoke about the weaknesses in our relationship and in each other, we brought unresolved issues into the limelight, and we made comments that can never be taken back or forgotten. The conversation ended with a bitter, sarcastic goodbye. I was fine in the beginning, probably because I was angry and insulted. I thought that I was ok, since I knew I was better off without them. I was wrong. While I still know that I made the right choice and I'm better off without them, I must admit that there were days where my boyfriend bought me Baskin Robbins and reminded me that I'm too good for them and I'll find a new friend. It was the need for his support that made me realize how a breakup is a breakup, whether its with a man or your best friend. I shed a few tears, deleted a few photos, and even dabbled in cookie dough. Instead of texting an ex for a booty call, I Facebook messaged 3 previous "best friends" I had lost contact with in hopes of reconnecting. I realized that romantic breakups have an advantage: mass sympathy. All you have to do is cancel your relationship on Facebook, and before you know it, that little broken heart is on everyone's home page and you have 15 sympathetic comments from people you forgot existed. Your family feels bad for you, so they deal with your moodiness. Your mom tells you to go out and buy new shoes, your little brother gives you the remote, your dad keeps the "I told you so" to himself. It's nice. You don't have that for a friend breakup. You have to find a way to support yourself. I chose to watch a marathon of girly movies and felt pangs of emptiness during the obligatory "best friend support" scenes. I quickly realized, however, that I don't miss them, I miss the idea of them. They were my closest friends for a while, and while they were incredibly flawed and self centered, I still miss the closeness of the relationship we had built over the years. The healing process with take a while. Just like a romantic breakup, I probably won't fully get over them until I meet new friends that remind me of just how bad my ex-friends really were. It's still a bit hard, even though I was the one who ended it.

My next move will be getting back into the "friending" scene, which, in my opinion, is just as difficult as the dating scene. I'll have to put down the ice cream and chick flicks long enough to take that interesting co-worker/classmate/acquaintance out to lunch. Then, if we become friends, we can do that together. Our boyfriends can come, too.